In need of a shoulder...an extra arm..an extra leg..an extra heart..an extra brain..and an extra soul..

Yesterday night was a pleasant night..a night MU won 4-0 thrashing wigan united..felt extremely high with the team's win..yea..they are something like my life and soul..my bread and butter..for hard times as well as good times..In times of hardship, it inspires u to fight on..to battle on..to march on..full of passion and verve never to give in..although sometimes u feel so weak like i do now..and in times of joy and gaeity..it bonds u closer to friends and family and to every being out there..the joy of cheering and beaming widely when the team wins..d feeling of togetherness..

Yeah..last night win was fantastic and my mood was d same as well..but this morning it had darkened into a full blown cyclonic clouds waiting to be unleashed..I was literally pumping my fist wif yesterday's win when i stopped all work in uni at nite to chat wif diki and update each other on d score and consoling each other on y we should not b sad altho we both miss watching d goals..The worse part was i told him and myself that i could get to watch the goals in youtube come morning when some good samaritans hav uploaded it..this morning..i did find them...d videos..just couldn't watch them..all removed due to copyrights...I can seriously curse alot right now...There are millions of EPL videos in youtube y must they take of the very ones i wanted to watch..ruined my day...to b denied such simple joy of watching a goal..(my heart is in tears..tskk...at first the thought of not watching wasn't that really impactful on me..but somehow this and some really sucky thgs which happened to me in an interval of 12hours turned a really bright MU win into a rather shitty night plus dawn for me..this plus all d crappy stuff which happened den culminated into me feeling extremely sorry for myself now as i type altho i dun feel so bfr this..i guess..typing this only serve to amplify my "i feel so pathethic" feeling..

oh..some of the shitty stuff included a security guard and my 2hsemates..sort of my death messenger like dat..I'll tell u in short what actually happened..Yesterday morning enjoyed a long cycle down river torrens and watched pelicans..cleared my head up for the week I thought..so that i'm ready for the next..yeah, it really does look like i'm dragging myself to the finish line isn't it? The fact is I am. I studied in computing suite again from afternoon to nite..check d scores of d soccer match and had a nice chat wif diki which actually made me feel better..altho we just crap about soccer..smtm crapping about other stuff rather den d problem itself is smtg i treasure more..cos it makes me happy rather den talk about my problems to other ppl..smtm it works..some reli good frens bring u up wif a joke or two..but most of d time..i find myself deeper in d well of wallow...So yea, i appreciated the lift in spirit from frens who bought me lunch while i studied in d suite and frens from afar who keep my spirits up with non-sensical stuff that keeps that silly smile plastered to my face..But yea, after 12 midnite..i continued studying..(d reason i'm pushing myself so hard is cause of smtg..very hard to explain..i'll juz put it as intuition)..on and on until around 4am in d morning..den i couldn't stand anymore just doze off on my book..d other only guy in d suite wif me was already on d floor..head on his bag..den when i woke up he was gone..den i closed my eyes n tried to get enuf rest sumore..den came d unexpected part..a security guard came into d suite and said this to me: "hello der..you can't sleep here..y don't u pack ur bag and leave...go back home. The tone was threatening..and while i woke up startlingly..i got my specs on and didn't reply anythg..too blur to say anythg altho i wanted to..but nth came out of my mouth..and dat bloody S.O.B guard just walk off..he didn't hav2 do dat..i dun noe y he said that to me..cos ever since d suite was started..my super super seniors hav been sleeping and studying there ever since bfr dat guard even started working here..and i hav seen so many ang mor and asians alike sleep on d computer tables, chairs lined up..floor and etc since i came here..i never did any of those so far..my only sleeping position so far was to slump n d chair and sleep on d table..arms folded as pillow..uncomfortable as it might b..i was too tired to be bothered by d uncomfortable feeling..just dozed off..And there is a sign in d suite which says no food and drink..no bicycles..no this n that but no sleeping? People sleep in the library and almost anywhere..in d bus..etc etc..all i did was sleep on my book..what sin did i make to compel him to come forward with such threatening tone??!!!... This really pisses me off..I don't even recognise da bloody guard cos juz woke up..i juz rmbr he's fat and white...a globular of fat and human excreta wif the face of a pig i imagine..Pardon me..but FU** u..Yeah rite..go "home"..in case he didn't noe not everyone is so lucky to have a home to go back to everyday..I think i could live wif dat threat in his voice..but what hurt me most was d way he said "go home"...i get a feeling dat this guy is racist..if u interpret wat he says in different fashion u'll noe what i mean..d way malays ask chinese go back to china..yeah..racists is united regardless of colour and religion...that's d only common thg they share..whites, malays..all from d same shit..they r all da same..juz listen to how they speak to u and u'll find out..Yeah, so if i did sleep in d computing suite what's he gonna do to me..? Suspend me from using the computers for catching a nap in the suite..that's gotta b d most ridiculous thg i've ever heard of..imagine banning ppl from library just cos they sleep on d table..Oh ya..must rmbr also..not that i'm preventing anyone else from using d comps..den tats reasonable..all d 6computing suites were empty..just 2 ppl..me n one more guy who hav already left..I wanted to write a letter to dat bloody guard but i felt it's a waste of my time..This sort of ppl wun ever understand other ppl..cos they always take their own "home" for granted..thats y they tink they can go about making other people's life worse cos they tink everyone has a home..Until now..i still cannot quell my hatred for him altho shortly after he left i calmed myself down and recite some prayers to ease the hurt..There i was in d middle of nowhere..alone..out of d blue must target me..i dunno y..Sooner or later i'm going to recognise d guard..i know i will know who it is by the very 1st word he speaks to me if i happen to b listening some other time...perhaps i'l giv him a piece of my mind too..over smtg out of d blue as well..let him taste his own medicine..So, as soon as i finished d remaining chapters that i had planned to cover i left d suite..still wif dat pint size of hate in me..i'm not gonna waste my energy on that sob...he'll get his lesson someday..Wait till when d exams are nearer and u'll c an influx of students staying overnite in uni already..and it'll b noisy u can't study also..sleep also so hard..so many ppl..yea..and dat time dat bloody guard dun even care..juz cos i'm alone dun mean he got right to ask me to leave..dat bloody suite is 24/7 and i entered wif a fully authorised access card..and yet wanna make noise...haih..like i said..i'm complaining so much cos he chose d wrong words wif me..if he didn't evoke d word home..i probably would juz cast him off as another weirdo in this city of weirdoes..But he juz had to day that. Now i know what it means, when i read the book on US military strategic planning..when they state a general rule of ground battle is to never block the enemy's march back home at all cost...U gotta b dumb to stand in d way of an army returning home from a protracted war..same thg here man..now i noe d anguish of being far away from home..probably i can imagine d situation in war too..probably 10times worse den i am..homesickness plus seeing people die everyday..d lethargy..whatever it is..never stop a returning army. SOOO, i left d suite having completed my work and cycled to mcd for breakfast..took takeaway..another cold morning..i was cycling so slowly..d wind was blowing cold and hard..i tink if i were to cycle any faster..i would turn into a block of ice sliding down the road..frozen..i was wearing only 1 sweater and a long pants..which explains everythg..smtg like in penang..haih..i cycled on and on cursing d wind, gritting my teeth and squinting my eyes as gust after gust of wind slalom onto my face..haih...i can curse d wind all day long i tell u..frusfrating..since i come here i hav begin to swear and curse alot..actually..i tink i started to curse and swear here..in penang..nth tat bad 2 piss me off until can swear juz like dat..d worse it ever gets when smtg sucky happens was just..shit la..tats all...come here.."berjenis-jenis" d..yea..so i swear alot la..onot if bottled inside..i tink it's even worse..tats how y depressed ppl must b given chance to swear and curse all they wan..take dat frusfration out..hahaha..now i rmbr smtg funny..i dunno where i watched it la..i tink was it journey to d west ar..some 2fella go up d mountain and den scream all d maki maki stuff lah..and den d tv screen show their mouth move so fast..den all d symbols come out big big over d mountain like musical notes lidat..hahahahha..tats so funny in..Lalalallalalalala...

oh, and den reach home lor...den find d youtube thg dun hav dy..haihzzz...so sad..aussie wif their National d.RUG.g.BY League and their beer intoxicated country..water also dun hav d 12 dream of drinking beer sumore..morons la..wait till d drought dry up australia d den only stop drinking beer i tink..evryday meet drunkards..oh ya.din cerita tat aborigine teens sumore..as usual..on booze..and sumore 2 girls drinking beer in d computing suite at nite lidat..they were obviously drunk..can smell and they were talking dirty sumore wif some guy at d back..haihh..luckily i hav my earphones to block off the unwanted disturbance..thank God they din vomit in d suite la..onot i hav2 move into another one sumore..i rmbr sumore a few weeks ago.cycle to church to get smtg from fren..at nite ler..pass this bunch of middle aged ladies..as usual..see trouble, sense trouble, smell trouble d..i speed up lo as usual..n den they saw me coming they started shouting ask me stop..when i didn't they gav chase..so juz cycle as fast as possible loh..nonit to worry so much..wear high heels run damn slow..unlike d aborigine teens..like yao ming height and probably can run 100metres under 12 or 13 secs..tat wan just pray hard tat they r not targeting u la..gotta act cool and at ease..same like dogs only..when u run they chase even more..haih..i noe very bad compare them to tat but its d truth..d fact is d ang mor government made them lidat..i dun reli blame them..

so what happened after i had my breakfast and all dat was the 2 ekor come knocking on my door..so i opened duly and stood there lo..what is it this time..haih..yea..so they inform me dat i'll hav to move out in 3weeks time..my exam is in 4weeks time..and if i move gotta b fast d..i got no plans as of now yet..thanks alot man..d reason given was that the landlord is taking d hse back cos the toilet is leaking n he wants 2 do renovation..so again..i dun get 2 say anythg other den har har har..and just kena kick here and there..bloody idiots..and i just realised no wonder they ask me 2 pay rent so early this week..wanna tangkap tiao me lah..haih..idiots..hope they return my money la..or else i'm gonna lodge report wif consumer's tribunal d..make them pay for every cents..actually its hundred dollar..tat amount i wun juz don't care..So yea..what a bad time..but i wasn't that surprised lah..cos i wanted to move out after my exams also wan..go back penang..dun hav2 pay money for d remaining months while i'm in penang..expensive lor if pay..so gotta break contract..so i stand to lose..i went to legal counsel too..they advised me halfway on wat2 do..but looks like save me d energy la..nonit also d..they break d contract for me d:D altho i'm still not sure if d timing is right..hopefully everythg will b alrite lah...so there it goes..hav2 find a room for a month plus lidat until exams over den move out..gai also..so far no idea where yet..so i told my parents immediately..but now as i type..i'm too tired to tink of any alternatives also lah..i'm planning to sleep for 5 to 6hours lidat and suddenly wake up wif an ingenious idea of where to move to, how to move, when to move, how to get d remaining $$ if d 2 ekor happens not wanting 2 return my remaining paid rent..and also where am i gonna keep my stuff all when i go back penang..hahahaha..don't worry..sure got "cue" wan..nonit to worry..d worse also sleep tepi jalan only..study in comp suite..live in mcd and hungry jacks meal everyday..and to handle d security guard my smart ass idea is to sneak up d roof like olden china assasin style and blow d "sleeping gas drug" with a pipe into his security room only..or mayb more high tech is use digicam take photo of d comp suite, print out in colour and den use uhu glue stick the picture on the camera only..that way tat guard wun kacau me:D hahahhaha..haiya..wateva it is..i wished that i am able to move out from this hse after my exams..apparently got my wish earlier den later..haiya..deal wif it la..sure can wan...as long as get my money back and find a proper place for d time being and also importantly for the future..and also find hsemates if can..hmm..okie liao lah..go get some sleep d..nescafe is keeping me awake only..senses hav been dulled..cold day still..1.45pm d..goodnite-noon...zzz...

Thgs getting slightly better..

Should be getting better ler..after reading so much last nite..finally able to follow d lectures today..not so blur like d rest of d class d..hehe..physics is cool..my professor work wif world renowned scientist bfr..so exciting listen to him talk about his experiences..working with the 1st man to create a modified mountain top observatory..today showed us his holography skill also..whoa...so cool..better den da normal illusion u c everyday..u can actually c smtg extremely complex wif his hologram..by standing directly in front of d image ler but if u stand behind d hologram..u see nothing there..very hard to explain but extremely cool..for the first time d class not rushing out of d doors after class over..evryone staying back to his holography demonstration..not in syllabus lah but he showed anyway..for or interest..haha..well worth mentioning this one..and yea..designing with comps looks much more fun after the demo today..but no time for fun and explore new stuff d ler..exams around d corner..just a matter of cover all ASAP..bought lots of food to last me 2weeks also d..hmm..ate truffles wif cream topping..so yummy..but other den dat juz tired gua..i tink i'm gonna take a nap now..den wake up to study n chat abit hopefully..miss my chatting pulak d..yawn..hmm..better sleep d ler..altho dun feel sleepy but my brain not 100% anymore..feel abit blur lar..probably gonna twist and turn on d bed..blek..nth soothing to make me sleep..hmm..listen music to sleep den..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......i love sleeping..altho my fren once said dun sleep my life away..but i still like to sleep altho i sleep less n spend d hours pestering frens more n more d..ish..sumore dun12sleep..crap here sumore..miss my footie session today..stephen ask me..but giv excuses..altho real excuses wan..too sleepy to play football ler..later caught napping on the ball..hmmm..one moment c me passing da ball and d next moment lie spread eagle on bag sleep on d grass..i tink i can reli sleep on d grass wan one day..just a matter of wat wakes me up..frens..some birds..rain or mayb robbers ler..tats y dun dare try yet..haha..aiya..tink of sleeping on grass tink of sleeping in pfs field pulak d at nite star gazing..so nice..i'm sure some ppl herenoe wat i mean..those cool starry nites..so lau juak..camping and enjoying d bright moon and stars..i rmbr still..last time become blur rc member..my leader chin chuan ask me go catch frogs wif kim kooi under orders of the committee during nite hunt..so dark..grappling in d dark..sumore nvr catch one wif bare hands bfr..so sked..nonit to say ler golden ghost also sked..ghost oso sked..sad case..so we caught a few ler..i forgot how it feels d..it in my hands..haha..i dun tink i dare touch d now..sumore catch what..dead lizards and cockroach wif hands..haha..all da disgusting stuff..all under orders do wan ler..onot not so sot go touch dat geli animals..i like catch ants the most..easiest..altho at nite damn hard 12find an ant also..all go home to d nest d. Wah..atc moments..sadly this year go back also dun tink get to enjoy atc..dunno how many malays in the unit d. My sleepwalk moment..sumore pee ter's collapsed gadjetry..mission failure..kesian..talent time..hahaha..had a good time laughing dat one..never cease to make me laugh wif the antics of dumb frees like us..from uncle hoi's blue remix of chicken rice to who wanna b a millionaire to some reli dirty jokes and acting and some sesated acting also..haha. OMG..how can i forget..mock war and station games..chemical X..eggs,flour,waterbomb and last nite supper concoction we made ourselves..waterbomb filled wif tadpoles..hahaha..sumore i rmbr one damn geli wan probably some animal dung..altho i dun dare touch or go near also..i din handle tat wan..n how can i forget also..the trip around penang...what's dat event called d? haha, i'm in charge for it and i made it so nice i tink everyone enjoyed the "amazing race" i organised for them..among d best i'd created wif tua liap..but i sumbang all d idea..hehehe..it was so hard..actually not hard la..just tat got one member..no..actually is group leader..race until sesat at teluk bahang..hahahha..blur case..dunno how from travel to esplanade can travel to teluk bahang..end up someone must go fetch him back..haha..and also d race up kek lok si temple..wahh..cun!!!! so tense..6groups all racing to reach the top of the pagoda to get d 3 complete maps to d next destination..d last 3 groups got pieces of jigsaw of the map only..hahaha..i'm so evil...hahaha..mayb tats y tat "cow" can sesat till teluk bahang lah..hahaha..aiyah..but watching them race is different sort of fun den racing around penang island yourself wif ur group members..how cud i ever forget..me and sim yan san and jonathon easaw race against d like of ragu, kim kooi and other leader's group..haha..end up me n lagu work together cooperate til d end..haha..came in 1st and 2nd beat evry1 else..keng lar..da time me n ragu spend at GH eating mentos secretly while our senior find us(kenot eat wan actually)..swallow choco down our throats..we were dat hungry..chocs good cos provide boost in sugar level ler..got energy to race back..try walking penang island on foot wif only maggi mee in ur stomach for 2days..die lorrr..haha..last time was so lasak..i tink now..early early die d..kenot tahan d ler..either getting older..or hardship resistance wore down d..haha..
Hmmm..what else i miss..yah..i kinda miss d bonds made from marching..d spirit..d scorching sun..my own moments of dizziness under d sun..luckily din pengsan bfr lah.good record d..now i wonder who pengsan bfr marching among the 13 of us? diki..u noe? hmmm..i dun tink hav hor..all can tahan last time..or was it tua liap ar..rmbr like carry him off lidat izit..can't rmbr...ohh..the joy..our everyday visit to jln terengganu eat lunch after training for all the inter-sch competition..haiyo..dat time..everyday go there eat until sien..now i won't d..will appreciate hawker food..hehe..Oh ya, until now melvin still owe da chicken rice auntie money la..hahaha..he super too much..ate d den he just walk bek to sch wif us..din pay at all..hahaha..too much lahh..hahahaha..until we ask him later he pay d onot..den only he realise..haha..must make a note bring him go there makan again d when i go back..hahahahaha..can't stop laughing la..eat d den just walk off lidat..wahh..so syok..haha..I noe y d la..d auntie trust him too much d..so din go collect money..haaa..haha..sumore what la..soo much sumore..youth park..can say one of d place we frequent quite alot during d skateboarding craze la..hmmm..when la wanna go rendam again? haha..wonder if ask them go end of this year they mau ar..altho i tink mayb every1 grow up d..dun12 get urself dirty or wet anymore..this time if reli manage to go must push a few ppl into d pool also d..haha..thx to those who pull me inside dat time..damn sad case tat time..i tink got "some ppl" forget bring spare underwear also la..go gurney afterthat wif d shape of superman design on d pants la..hahaha..lae larrr..so siao..use shirt cover cover..@.@..hahahaha..what's funnier den dat ler..hmmm..i wanna join nighthunt this year if got..wanna be chased again..hahaha..chase and hide..miss d andrenalin rush...hopefully buddy buddy join as well lo..if run alone is meaningless..now i understand y kuan thye prefer to hide when he comes back to our sch after form 5..one thg kenot run so fast and dun dare take risky jumps d..and also..no frens ler..he came alone..run wif us not so siao..must run wif same age committee..hmmm..gotta identify the big big size members also lah..sked later kena tackle rugby style by them sure die..end up black green ler..like how chee seng kena by ah kooi..hahaha..tackle on tar road sumore..will surely b injured..grass not so bad..but still got d muddddd...yuckkk..committee so clean unlike d members full wif dirt..kena tackle onto mud..n den drag along the mud due to the momentum..can enjoy some mud ice cream also..blek..haha..den go KH block bathe in underwear wif other muddy commitee(loser ler..got mud means kena teruk teruk d..plus an egg on d head to top it of for ragu i rmbr in one of d year)..bathe in d middle of night and morning ler..worse thg is not d mud though..gotta b d wind and d chill at nite..esp at pfs..its colder at nite in pfs den other places..smtg like d beach like dat..so cold..plus cold water..hahaha...cold therapy..hmm..those were d days i'm not sure if i will ever get to live once more..hopefully tis year i wud b able to get d chance to do it again ler..as a sign of saying goodbye to d good ol' times as future beckons..hmmm..i can't rmbr d last nite i had so much siaoness going on..when was d last time i'm asking myself now..form 5? not reli..form 4 i think..that was d last one i think..means almost 3years d...no wonder i miss it so much..hmm..ponder and ponder..okie d ler..i'm gonna nap d..so much memories..i'm glad i didn't juz study in high sch unlike in college..hmm..but uni will prove to be different again..next year ler..hehe..plan everythg nicely..probably different sort of fun though..clubs and the likes seems to be favoured alot here..but dun tink i'm into dat type wif fun altho once awhile is fun..hmm..ok liao..make it a point..sleep..zzz

Hoping for better

yawnnn..another sien nite in uni..10pm d..this time no frens wif me..study alone..extra sien..getting hungry..and sleepy also..mayb need drink macchiato again d..tat coffee..scared drink d can't sleep but can't do anythg as well..aihzz..suddenly no inspiration pulak..feel like pushing all d computers off d table and lie on the table and sleep..die la..tonight must finish physics ler..onot take up too much time d..i tink i've wasted enuf time surfing bout d gua..but still no mood..cham d la..aihhh..i wanna sigh a million times..someone lift me up..probably i need another 1hour walk by the river again..calm my soul..hmm..i wish i could return home to my bed for just a night..and c my family for just a few mins also enuf d..but i dunno what will happen when i return back here..will i feel d same? better? or worse?..haihzzz..life must always be so complicated..actually humans are complicated..not life..i condemn humans..including myself for eternity for being so complex..now i reli wish we were all still living on trees and dressed in hide..hunt for food everyday..easier..no difficult ppl to deal with..just difficult animals..much easier den now..yeahla..complain complain..i noe i complain alot..but no other avenue since i'm here..wat2 do..2 more month..i can't seem to find anythg now to power me thru the nite also d..aihh..can wan can wan..i can do it sentence have become so repetitive now..can do it how long? can do it how well? ok..gotta stop doubting d..or else waste my time typing..suppose to spur me up..actually now i'm feeling abit fired up d..cos i feel abit waste of time typinf away here..haha..ok..think i'm just gonna "crawl" to the vending machine n get myself a packet of chips and cont study d..mayb need to wash face also before i start new chapter of mind boggling phasor optics..blink blink..hail the genius of all the pioneers in physics..discover so many thgs..smtm when my mind i clear and i sit back to see what they have achieved..i'm astounded..altho abit understated..like discovering of gravity waves..wth is dat also man..swt..of all thgs discover gravity waves..mayb one day they can find invisible waves also..or better black hole waves or even better alien waves..or in short physics defying waves..wateva it is..got mood d now..haha..mayb d chapter now boring tats y i stopped..okie..get over d boring part quick..gonna tackle harder wan d..d harder ones excite me more actually..others i've read bfr d..just forget d..altho i agree my concept on d ones i've read not good enuf still..i'm still lazy to look deeper cos like abit sien d..smtms its d book fault also..explanation so brief..end up info not reached to readers..i continue to discover so many physics that's not described carefully in form 5 and college to a lesser degree due to the inadequacy of info..dats y students like me just assume..den assumption wrong..ok liao lah..real waste of time..burn 2 hours d..time to study..chips 1st..hehe..mood back..study!